30 Days of Mental Illness Awareness Challenge- Day 2

Day 2: How do you feel about your diagnosis?

Actually, I have been through somewhat of a processing of emotions with my diagnosis. I recall learning of the stages of grief; denial/ avoidance/ anger/ acceptance/ blahblahblah…something like that. I went through something similar. I was diagnosed not quite a year ago and (as I mentioned in yesterday’s Challenge blog) some diagnosis are a bit up in the air but I didn’t really agree that I was “battling mental illness” as the hospital psychiatrist put it upon my initial meeting with him. I was a bit dismissive and went on to explain to him about my family and how stable everyone was, and how much everyone has accomplished and that I couldn’t POSSIBLY have a psychological issue because I wasn’t crazy! I didn’t see things that weren’t there and I don’t hear voices and I haven’t stalked ex-boyfriends for breaking up with me. You know, like you see in those ‘CRAZY WOMAN WEEKEND’ themed Lifetime Movie Channel marathons. I pay attention, you realize?!?

Eventually, I did come to understand more about each of my illnesses one by one and I can identify myself in many of the symptoms. The treatments have helped substanially and in my efforts to learn more about such conditions and the people that have them I know it is NOT MY FAULT I have this. It is NOT MY FAULT that I have the reactions I do and have had to the conditions I have suffered from. It is just as if I had diabetes and needed medication to regulate my sugar via insulin and it would not have been my fault if I found this out by having an attack or such, but now that I do know I am relieved to understand that there is a reason why I have felt the way I have at certain times.

So the short answer to today’s question is; I feel relieved; I feel saved; I feel affirmed; and I have hope.

 

via 30 Days of Mental Illness Awareness Challenge- Master List.

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About Christine O.

A single Mom to two little girls until March 9, 2014 when I married my soul-mate, full time executive in a demanding field, marathon runner, daughter to the perfect parents, oldest sister of a younger brother and sister, coach, boss, girlfriend, best friend, member of the church choir, volunteer in the local Lion's Club and CASA organization, and becoming newly acclimated to the world of mental illness after a life changing event. My goal in blogging and learning as much as I can about this subject is to defeat stigma associated with brain disease and preventing suicide in the future.
This entry was posted in Anxiety, depression, family, Health, major depressive disorder, mental illness, OCD, PTSD, stigma, suicide attempt survivor, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to 30 Days of Mental Illness Awareness Challenge- Day 2

  1. I can be quite a difficult process to achieve a measure of peace with our diagnoses. I’m glad to read of your hope. 🙂

  2. Christine O. says:

    Thank you, sir! It has been difficult for me especially since I was raised around a pretty ridged environment in terms of accepting anything considered ‘out of the norm’. My family is very conservative and spoke of powering through difficulty and overcoming weakness. I thought they would not accept me with these illnesses. They did accept me and have supported my recovery.

    I appreciate the support I have found here as well. Thank you for yours!!

  3. Matthew Chiglinsky says:

    Not your fault? Well, that’s a game of semantics, isn’t it? Technically everything that’s wrong with you is your “fault”. That’s what the word “fault” means.

    But I know what you mean is that it wasn’t you who caused these bad things to occur in you. Still, no one every really causes anything, because no one actually chooses to be born.

    How do you know you didn’t cause your breakdown, by the way? What if you chased off an ex-boyfriend (or ex-husband?), and if he had been in your life that would have provided you the emotional support you needed in your weakest moment and then you would have never attempted suicide? What if you stressed yourself out because you’re a workaholic, and if you had relaxed more you would have been okay?

    Myself, I got really, really depressed a couple years ago when I was evicted from my apartment, but it was sort of my fault for not being very good at holding a job. It was also sort of the fault of my “boss” for being a jerk who didn’t know how to communicate properly. It’s also the fault of the government for not providing affordable housing so that I could pay my rent on a minimum wage job (if I had gotten one). I analyze the situation from all angles and place blame where it is deserved.

    Who cares, anyway? I personally don’t feel guilty as long as I’m doing what I think I should be doing. What else would you do? Don’t kill yourself if you think you’re not “good enough”. No one is good enough. My favorite movie quote concludes with: “[We are] the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world”.

    • Christine O. says:

      All very good points and I do not have any adequate arguments to add with which to counter.

      I enjoy that your comments always give me something new to think about and another view to consider. It’s refreshing to read your comments.

  4. Pingback: 30MIAC: Day 2 Results | Marci, Mental Health, & More

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