Day 2: How do you feel about your diagnosis?
Actually, I have been through somewhat of a processing of emotions with my diagnosis. I recall learning of the stages of grief; denial/ avoidance/ anger/ acceptance/ blahblahblah…something like that. I went through something similar. I was diagnosed not quite a year ago and (as I mentioned in yesterday’s Challenge blog) some diagnosis are a bit up in the air but I didn’t really agree that I was “battling mental illness” as the hospital psychiatrist put it upon my initial meeting with him. I was a bit dismissive and went on to explain to him about my family and how stable everyone was, and how much everyone has accomplished and that I couldn’t POSSIBLY have a psychological issue because I wasn’t crazy! I didn’t see things that weren’t there and I don’t hear voices and I haven’t stalked ex-boyfriends for breaking up with me. You know, like you see in those ‘CRAZY WOMAN WEEKEND’ themed Lifetime Movie Channel marathons. I pay attention, you realize?!?
Eventually, I did come to understand more about each of my illnesses one by one and I can identify myself in many of the symptoms. The treatments have helped substanially and in my efforts to learn more about such conditions and the people that have them I know it is NOT MY FAULT I have this. It is NOT MY FAULT that I have the reactions I do and have had to the conditions I have suffered from. It is just as if I had diabetes and needed medication to regulate my sugar via insulin and it would not have been my fault if I found this out by having an attack or such, but now that I do know I am relieved to understand that there is a reason why I have felt the way I have at certain times.
So the short answer to today’s question is; I feel relieved; I feel saved; I feel affirmed; and I have hope.