Day 13: If you know the criteria of your illness (es) which ones do you think you meet? Or what are your most common symptoms?
I discussed the criteria of my diagnosis and the symptoms I felt I displayed or felt in detail on Day 1’s Challenge Blog so as not to bore anyone who might actually be reading these, I will (try) to keept this short since I missed yesterday and will need to do day 14 today as well, and just touch on my particular symptoms.
Major Depressive Disorder has a few symptoms which I have disclosed that I spent a good part of my life hiding. When I was younger I felt agitated for no particular reason from time to time and I would typically just isolate myself from people as much as possible because I knew I was not going to be great company. I also began to have thoughts/fantasies about suicide. I remember one particular bad term in school when I felt sure I was going to get a bad grade in one of my Algebra classes (math didn’t come as easily for me as some other classes did) and I remember thinking that if it was too bad I could just die and not worry about it. These thoughts relieved my stress so I could sleep and although I didn’t actually plan anything out or think of ways to make this happen, this habit began to help me more and more in stressful situations as time went on. I ended up getting through Algebra just fine, by the way. Now depression is more of a hopeless feeling. I feel like nothing I do is good or right and I find myself exhausted every morning and lethargic every night and all weekend. I will drag myself out and run with my training team and that always helps, but when I am having a serious episode nothing I do seems to help me out of the black hole. Medication has been my rescuer with this condition. There other things that assist; such as the exercise and eating healthy and getting enough sleep, but it’s only as if I am filling my gas tank enough to get to the next stop. Medication helps get me the rest of the way there.
Anxiety (GAD, PTSD, and OCD) was something I wasn’t aware I suffered from at all. I just thought I ran at high stress intensity all the time, which becomes exhausting as well. I knew I couldn’t handle surprises or being startled and didn’t like to be around large crowds and loud children but didn’t know that wasn’t typical. My most common symptoms are restlessness and an overall feeling of uneasiness or unrest. I feel on edge and shaky but had also gotten pretty good at hiding that as well. There isn’t really a good way to calm down from that myself aside from alleviating whatever it is I am anxious about. I always feel like I am behind or late or rushing to somewhere. So I would pretty much run at moderately to high anxiety at all times. Now I know why my chest and back was always sore and tired!